Friday, April 25, 2014

Depression is a rare but unwelcome acquaintence

Well, I've been dealing with a depression right now I haven't experienced since Katrina. I go through good days and bad days. It creates times when I don't want to do anything but lie down in bed, and then I bounce back and conjure up all my energy to focus on work and family.

I basically got fucked with my tenure. I didn't get tenure, and I was set up. Given my performance record, there is no way I should not have received tenure. But the committee was stacked against me and there was never any way I would receive an objective review of my work. As a former administrator, I had been on the "wrong side" with many of the tenure-review committee members, and those who should have supported me did not have enough weight when it came down to the final decision on my fate.

Academics are neither objective nor mature in their workplace dealings. I was hoping that this stop in my career would be different when it comes to academics in the workplace, but I was again proven wrong.

Losing tenure has caused my great depression.

I am not going to dwell on my condition here. I do know that the way I will get out of this funk is through reflection, some meditation, and lots of riding. Drinking does not help me when I'm in these downturns, so I am doing my best to stay off the bottle. But the one thing that will begin to help me get out of this funk is when I begin getting some bites on the job applications I've sent out over the past few weeks. I would be so happy to be out of this university before the beginning of the semester. With a new job, I would begin to feel a sense of work self-worth.

Wish me luck :)  It's All Good

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