Friday, June 06, 2008

I live with Demons in my head

I guess over the past few weeks there were many things I could have written about on this Blog that would entertain and inform better than this post could.

I could have lamented about the disease taking over the life of Ted Kennedy. This saddens me to no end….

I could have written about actually meeting Hana Morris at her house for her daughter’s 6th year birthday, and all the wonderful people I met there as well. Thank you Hana for a wonderful time.

I could have written about meeting Ray Shea and sharing a po-boy with him after we watched the Mardi Gras Indians march on Bayou St. John on Memorial Day—what a lagniappe that was.

I could have written (more) about Hillary’s obvious breakdown—mental and political.

I could have written about how elated I am that my “second” choice for President actually “won” the Democratic nomination—Geauxbama!!!

I could have written about the fact that I got an incredible job promotion—finally after all these years in academia.

I could have written about how much I miss Susan and Devin as they visit Susan’s parents in Tennessee, and have been gone for two weeks.

I could write right now about how happy I am to see Cece and that I am very happy that she is here visiting—I miss her so very much.

I need to catch up on my blog, but what I write about tonight are my demons….

Perhaps brought on by the second rum and coke tonight….

And a little bit of Terrance Blanchard’s “A Tale of God’s Will” on the radio….

The Demons….

They Still Haunt Me….

I wish I was home….

I have it so good right now. Good job, good house, not so great neighborhood, but people are getting used to me now after one year in this new place, and we’re actually making friends of sorts—but not the kind we had in New Orleans. The job is great, and I’m moving up and helping build a University. Incredible. All good.

But I guess I have and am constantly now thinking about “survivor’s guilt.” About how we are doing better than ok away from New Orleans, but that I would rather be there doing what I know I can do there, making a difference and helping rebuild.

During my last visit to New Orleans, I finally found the word that summed up the many interviews I’ve conducted since the storm and the observations in the field of the friends and people who have returned to New Orleans to rebuild.

DEFIANCE

Blake—that’s a word you should put on one of your t-shirts—honestly!!!

DEFIANCE

New Orleans has been rebuilt on the backs and from the sweat of all those who have returned.

With little help from the government and insurance companies, people who have returned (not all, but many who I know) have been able to recapture a part if not a large part of their houses, lives, and quality of life. They have done it on their own.

SINN FEIN!!!

And I am so very proud of my city now more than ever.

And I am so unhappy that I am not there to help and participate in this incredible process.

Survivor’s Guilt.

I will always be a New Orleanian—always.

Time for that second rum and coke.

5 comments:

Banzai Bill said...

Never drink alone at home with Terrance Blanchard playing in the background. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programs....

doctorj2u said...

Bill,
I LOVED this post! Of course I have been in the exact situation listening to "Our New Orleans" and drinking martinis. I e-mailed the president and woke up the next morning wondering if the FBI was going to show up on my front stoop. LOL! It just shows how much we love our crazy wonderful one of a kind city. And, the truth be told, she is worth all the trouble.

oyster said...

I loved it too.

Defiance is a great word-- don't feel guilty sir. You're a New Orleans patriot if I've ever seen one.

Cheers to you, banzai.

SteveMiami said...

Hi Bill, I wrote a longer comment but vanished from blogspot :( basically the survivors guilt that was put on me by a few folks for leaving New Orleans after the storm. but I'm keeping an eye on real estate prices, wouldn't it be wonderful to live 1/3 of the year in each town.

Banzai Bill said...

Yeah you right! I could only hope to making enough money someday to have a "second" house in New Orleans! But I'm working on it with my Lotto tickets :)

Thanks everyone for the comments. I'm OK now, really. I just miss being home.

Banzai